Being "Different"

It’s a tough world out there and some of us have built less of a thicker skin than others when it comes to dealing with people who seem to have one goal in life: make yours unbearable. Whether they are bullies at school or people you meet later on in life or work, one thing is for certain: if you feel/look different than what is considered to be “the norm” (no such thing as “the norm” by the way, no two people are the same), you are bound to be teased for it. 

We have all been through the classical case of being teased at school. Some comments are meaner than others; people can comment on the way you look, act, or even walk (even if there’s nothing wrong with any of these things), they might also tease you about your ethnicity, skin color, acne, sexual preferences, weight or height. Their teasing might also transcend into violence. Your “flaws” become a target to those who can't look at their own selves and choose to hide their insecurities behind mean comments. For the longest time, I thought it was a crime for me to be taller than most girls (or boys, for that matter) in my class or to listen to different music than the majority of my classmates… and these “crimes” registered as such within me until I found myself in college and in the presence of people that came from all over the world and, like myself, had different backgrounds and values! It was only during college that I was able to gain a different perspective on things and not consider myself a “fault” of the society I was brought up in. I realized that the people who were telling me I was worthless or a joke were not expressing a universal opinion, but their own narrow minded perspective! 

Sometimes, all it takes is for you to take a step back and re-evaluate your status under a different light.

There was a recent show on the local news that dealt with the issue of bullying and it hurt me to see that there were enough incidents to make a news piece out of it. This post is not meant to be a rant about bullying in order to make people realize that it's not ok to hurt someone like that. People know that much. But what about those who are on the receiving end of bullying? 

What do you do if you are/feel different than the majority of people in your everyday life? If you happen to find yourself in a group of people (like classmates, for example) who think that you don’t “fit in”? Things can get rough and even though your experience can help you built a thicker skin towards bullies, everyday interactions become a nightmare that you get caught up in: you are afraid to go to school and hope that people won’t notice you for the day, so it can go by as easily as possible. What you need to understand first is that you will truly be free from their harsh comments only when you learn to love yourself for what you are and what you can offer as a human being. No one should be judged on stupid things like how they look or talk, but unfortunately people do judge. I have come to understand that even the nicest people in this world judge based on what has been instilled in them throughout their lives; the difference between people who judge because they are curious and bullies is that bullies voice their misguided opinions in a way that will hurt the recipient… And that won’t be fixed within a day; in the meantime, you feel like a fish out of water every day and you wonder if it’s them or you with the problem. 

 

First of all… breathe! It’s not the end of the world, and trust me, things do get better. Life doesn’t stop after high school and generally speaking your life’s success doesn’t rely on whether you were Miss/Mister Popularity in your teenage years. It might feel like it’s always You vs. Them on a daily basis, but this is only temporary. Focus on loving what you’ve got and on bettering yourself in the way that you feel is good for you – not depending on what other people say. In other words, think of the person you would like to become and work towards that. And find people you can relate to in your school, job or in other programs. 

Even if you're experiencing bullying at work and as an adult, it's still not ok. In every case, talk to friends and family about what you’re going through and how much it’s bothering you; you don’t deserve what’s happening and you don’t need to suffer in silence. Don't think that asking for help is a sign of weakness or that you're somehow a bad person if you ask for the assistance of your school principle/boss/any authority figure in stopping the bullying. And if you can’t physically distance yourself from the people that are making you feel uncomfortable, then distance them mentally: try to adopt a state of mind in which their mean comments just brush off as if they don’t matter. You know who you are (or in the process of figuring it out) and these people don’t have a saying in that!

 

With the help of today’s social media, there are forums and sites that pretty much explain that things do get better in a much more professional and cohesive way than this small article :P It’s important to remember that what you’re going through is temporary and that you are not alone. It’s true, this world would be a lot better if people focused on their own issues instead of getting involved in other peoples’ business, but unfortunately not everyone is that strong: because it takes a truly strong person to not strive to feel better through the discomfort or even the pain of others. Weak people hide behind their insecurities and they also thrive by projecting them on others. If they wished they had something you have, they will try to make you feel bad for having it.

What I think people need to understand is that bullies or anyone who thinks his opinion is the law doesn't have real power unless others give it to him/her. Think about it: would bullies have any strength if people who witnessed the bullying had stopped them right there and then, making them feel ostracized and stupid instead? So the key to stop bullying and essentially removing the power element of the bully is to do something! Don't ever make a bully feel like what they're doing is in any way ok.  

After surviving high school, becoming and adult, going to college, having two jobs and coming home as a new person, I can safely say two things. 1) Too much unnecessary drama and 2) shouldn’t have paid so much attention to the bullies. It’s easier said than done; like I said, your “flaws” that have been so politely rubbed in your face for most of your years stay with you until you decide to let them go. Even today I struggle with letting some of them go; I still feel uncomfortable when being taller than most of the people I hang out with etc. It takes time to love yourself with all your heart and to be your own best friend and fair judge. Take small steps and surround yourself with the people that love you no matter what. Strive to make friends that are as open minded as you are and accept the fact that there will always be people who have nothing better to do than to try and judge you out of nowhere. So? As one of my favorite phrases puts it: Who died and elected them king of the world…?

 *S