I’ve known my friend for more years than I
could count. I try to remember every single moment we had together and how we
ended up here. We’ve been through everything together: primary school, cutting
class in high school, our first “adult” holidays (without the parents), first
cigarettes and drunken nights, uncountable sleepovers and college girls’ night
out. But the thought that we have to stay apart for good is crossing my mind
more and more.
Letting go of a best friend is similar to
breaking up with your boyfriend of many years. This is a person with whom you
have come to know what your everyday life is like and this is a person that
knows most of your secrets and dreams. However, there comes a time when having
the same fights over and over again, with the same complaints that are never
resolved, as you slowly realize that your friend is changing into someone you
can’t understand; all of this wears you out! You end up having the same
conversation about the same issues between the two of you over and over again
and you end up feeling what you say doesn’t get through. You realize that your
friend has become a different person (one that you cannot communicate with). And
of course, friends fight and disagree on things. You can’t agree on everything;
however, no matter how different two friends might be, they share the same core
values about life and friendship. They think the same way when it comes to
their life goals and dreams and they expect the same things from their
friendship – to be there for each other, despite their differences. When those
values change, that’s when the friendship is no longer functioning. You are
dealing with a person that no longer values the same things that define you as
a person! And that changes everything…
The worst moment is when you realize your
friend had been consciously competing with you throughout your friendship,
jealous of your every move and success, even when you were only trying to make
her feel better because she had no faith in herself. When your friend is having
a hard time, all you wanna do is stand by her and help her. But, what happens
when her problems include self-destructive habits such as drinking to the point
of blacking out or taking drugs? And even more, what happens when she thinks
that nothing is wrong? Can you help her? The answer is somewhere in between,
you can only help someone if they want to help themselves. You have to set your
boundaries even if it’s hard for you and her too. There comes a point where she
cannot use you as her stepping stone for life, having you cover for her for her
parents or lying to everyone just so she had keep doing the same thing. That
won’t help her. She has to take on her responsibilities and you have to
ultimately stop being her “mom”.
Let’s face it. When relationships are so
close it is hard to tell whether your friendship is having a problem or the
problem lies with you. You make excuses for your friend, defending her to
yourself when she doesn’t see the need to do so (because, in her mind, everything
is fine). Usually, when a friend changes so much, it’s hard to see it: you
refuse to realize what is happening.
When you decide to choose a life without
your best friend, it means that there are things that annoy you in that person
that have now led you to cut that person out of your life. These problems were
probably always there but because of your love for her, you didn’t wanna
realize them.
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